About Dominion Industrial
Since our founding in a volcano lair... *ahem*... corporate headquarters in 1987, Dominion Industrial has been quietly orchestrating the most ambitious industrial consolidation project since someone tried to build a Death Star. We don't just compete in markets—we acquire them with the enthusiasm of a collector completing a set.
Our subsidiaries span every continent (yes, even Antarctica—someone has to control the penguins). From manufacturing to logistics, from energy to telecommunications, we've built an empire that operates with the precision of a Swiss watch and the subtlety of a supervillain monologue. Our motto? "Why take over the world when you can just buy it?"
Some call us monopolistic. We prefer "efficiently comprehensive." Others use words like "concerning" and "probably illegal," but our legal department assures us those people are just jealous.
247
Countries with Operations
(Including 3 we made up)
1 Billion
Dollars (Muahaha)
*Evil laugh patented
99.7%
Global Market Penetration
(Resistance is 0.3%)
Our Operations
Strategic Acquisitions
We identify promising enterprises and make them offers they statistically cannot refuse. Think Godfather, but with better spreadsheets and fewer horses' heads. Our success rate is mathematically impressive and legally questionable.
Global Infrastructure
Building the backbone of tomorrow's world order, one suspiciously shark-filled moat at a time. Every bridge, tunnel, and secret underground lair—we mean satellite dish—brings us closer to our unified vision.
Technology Integration
Connecting every device, system, and network under one harmonious umbrella. We're like Skynet, but with better customer service. Resistance is futile... and also violates our Terms of Service.
Resource Optimization
We ensure Earth's resources are allocated with maximum efficiency. By us. For us. It's really quite elegant, like a chess game where we own all the pieces and also the board.
Our Vision
"Why settle for market leadership when you can have market ownership? Why compete when you can simply... not have competition? Also, has anyone seen my white cat? It keeps wandering off during board meetings."- Dr. M. Niacal, CEO & Supreme Overlord of Operations
At Dominion Industrial, we envision a world where inefficiency, competition, and chaos are relics of the past—much like our competitors (may they rest in corporate peace). A world where every supply chain flows through our distribution centers, every communication passes through our networks, and every decision aligns with our carefully crafted global optimization algorithms (patent pending, world domination not included*).
Some might call this ambitious. We call it Tuesday. Our therapist calls it "megalomaniacal," but we're working on acquiring his practice.
*World domination sold separately. Void where prohibited. Side effects may include: uncontrollable urge to build secret lairs, adoption of exotic pets, and sudden interest in monologuing.
Phase I: Foundation
Establish dominance in key sectors âś“
(Also acquired a really nice volcano)
Phase II: Expansion
Global consolidation (87% complete)
Remaining 13% just being stubborn
Phase III: Integration
Planetary management system
*Maniacal laughter intensifies*
Phase IV: Optimization
Perfect efficiency (Est. 2025)
Or when we get the laser working
Now Hiring
Join the most ambitious organization in human history (and possibly beyond—our Mars division is still in beta testing). We offer competitive packages, comprehensive benefits, mandatory evil laughing lessons, and the satisfaction of working toward a perfectly organized world under our benevolent iron fist.
Senior Global Efficiency Coordinator
Department: Strategic Planetary Operations (Lair 7)
Location: Multiple Continents (Secret Base Relocation Provided)
Clearance Level: Ultra-Classified (Must Sign 47 NDAs)
Responsibilities:
- Coordinate resource allocation across 247 operational territories (including underwater bases)
- Implement efficiency protocols that eliminate competitive redundancies (and competitors)
- Manage strategic integration of newly acquired enterprises (resistance is futile)
- Ensure all global operations align with our unified optimization framework (Phase IV pending)
- Handle delicate negotiations with... resistant stakeholders (shark tank meetings available)
- Maintain our collection of exotic pets (current roster: 1 white cat, 3 piranhas, 1 laser-equipped shark)
Qualifications:
- Advanced degree in Industrial Engineering, Economics, or World Domination (PhD in Evil Schemes preferred)
- 10+ years experience in global operations management (previous villain employment a plus)
- Proven track record of eliminating inefficiencies (and heroes, metaphorically speaking)
- Ability to work independently across multiple time zones (and dimensions)
- Comfortable with morally ambiguous decision-making (we have excellent dental)
- Must pass extensive background check, loyalty assessment, and evil laugh audition
- Bonus points for: owning a cape, speaking with a mysterious accent, or having a tragic backstory
Interested candidates should call:
502-738-6226
Ask for the Strategic Recruitment Division (code name: "Operation Minion Acquisition"). Please have your social security number, blood type, three emergency contacts, and your most sinister laugh ready. Calls monitored for quality assurance and world domination purposes.